Holiday tunes that strike right note for all

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Purists who want their holiday music straight down the middle from a middle-of-the-road crooner can enjoy “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby, “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole, “Merry Christmas” by Johnny Mathis and “Christmas Portrait” by the Carpenters.

Obviously, not everybody celebrates Christmas. But fortunately, just about every entertainer of every faith and ethnic background has a holiday CD. Some of the more noteworthy releases for Chanukah include “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights” for the adventurous, and “Vol. 2 — Festival of Light” for more conservative tastes. For Kwanzaa there is “Kwanzaa For Young People (And Everyone Else!)” as well as “Kwanzaa Party: A Celebration of Black Cultures in Song.” To cover all, or at least most, of your bases, think about Lynette Washington’s “Long, Long Ago (A Jazz Celebration of Christmas, Chanukah & Kwanza).”

Country and western aficionados may want to sit back and tap their boot toes to “Magic of Christmas: Call Me Claus” by Garth Brooks; “Country Christmas” by Johnny Cash; “It Won’t Be Christmas Without You” by Brooks & Dunn; and “Secret of Giving” by Reba McEntire.”

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Alas, some folks are just square pegs in round holes, and that goes double during the holiday season. The chronically kitschy might feel more comfortable on the fringe of holiday music. Some suggestions include “Dr. Demento: Greatest Christmas Novelty CD” (which includes the classic, “Santa Claus and His Old Lady” by Cheech and Chong); the Regis Philbin Christmas Album (yikes!); “Hung For The Holidays” by William Hung (always a favorite); “A Very Larry Christmas (explicit lyrics)” by Larry the Cable Guy; “Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire” by Bob Rivers; “I Farted On Santa’s Lap (Now Christmas Is Gonna Stink For Me)” by the Little Stinkers; and, of course, what would the holidays be without “Christmas Worship” by John Tesh.

For the youngsters, how about “Wiggly Wiggly Christmas” by the Wiggles, “A Sesame Street Christmas” and “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” They won’t know the difference, anyway. They’ll be too busy ripping wrapping paper off gifts.

For hipsters with sophisticated taste, try “The McGarrigle Christmas Hour” by sisters Kate and Anna McGarrigle; “Christmas Island” by Leon Redbone; “The Jethro Tull Christmas Album;” “Lost Winter’s Dream” by Lisa Mychols; “A Sunflower At Christmas” by the Pearlfishers; and “Tis The Season For” by Los Straitjackets.

That should help plug those awkward gaps in conversation during holiday gatherings. Another suggestion is to wear headphones.

Michael Ventre lives in Los Angeles and is a regular contributor to MSNBC.com.

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