Mike Celizic

If you haven’t picked up your Thanksgiving turkey yet, don’t worry. We have one here for you. In fact, we have several, and they come in all sizes. So if you want a 230-pound gobbler, you’ve come to the right place.

Of course, how you get Terrell Owens, for example, into a baking pan is your problem. And we don’t have a help desk to give you cooking directions. On the other hand, the price is right. Our Thanksgiving turkeys are not only free, they all but volunteer for the job.

So here they are for your holiday enjoyment, our nominations for Sports Turkey of the Year.

Terrell Owens — Although we’re taking a vote on this, we think this bird is already trussed, basted, stuffed, roasted and ready to take his place as the prime turkey of 2005. Where to begin with this human Butterball? It goes back to the Super Bowl, when he performed so spectacularly on an ankle that the doctors told him wasn’t yet healed after being broken during the season.

Afterwards, he was so impressed with himself he got himself another agent, Drew Rosenhaus, who promptly demanded more money from the Eagles.

Along the way, he questioned quarterback Donovan McNabb’s heart, told his offensive coordinator not to talk to him, told his head coach, Andy Reid, where to get off, got sent home for a week during training camp, came back, dissed McNabb again, and finally got suspended for four games and told to stay home for the season.

A couple of days later, he said he was sorry.

Drew Rosenhaus — We’re including Owens’ agent, who never saw a contract he couldn’t renegotiate within 10 minutes of signing it, in chance some of you may believe that T.O. would still be a contributing member of the Eagles if only he hadn’t fallen in with Rosenhaus.

Rafael Palmiero — Remember that finger-waving performance before Congress when he assured America that he had never taken steroids? After he tested positive, we had the audacity to suggest steroids got in his system through a vitamin shot. If it weren’t for Owens, Palmiero would be everybody’s favorite turkey.

Donald Fehr — The head of baseball’s players association sat before Congress and babbled on about why baseball didn’t need more stringent drug-testing rules. During his long career, Fehr has never once talked about the integrity of the game, just the pocketbooks of his members. But this time, Fehr finally struck out. With an act of Congress held to his head, he finally agreed to beef up penalties for steroid use and even to testing for baseball’s drug of choice, amphetamines.

Tom Benson — The levies were still down and New Orleans was weeks away from being pumped dry after hurricane Katrina when Benson started to make noises about abandoning the town that had supported him so well and moving his Saints to San Antonio. In the process he became the poster child for greedy franchise owners everywhere.

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Manny Ramirez — The guy has one of the world’s greatest jobs — playing the tiny left field in Fenway Park, being adored by the world’s most rabid baseball fans, and getting $20 million a year for his troubles. Naturally, he wants out of Boston. We’re still not sure why, but, we suspect, neither is Manny.

Barry Bonds — Even if Bonds has spent the year in a hermetically sealed and soundproofed room with no way of contacting the outside world, we’d still nominate him for Turkey of the Year on general principal. But Bonds earned his cranberry sauce by ignoring his team’s doctors and relying on his own trainers and medicos, who oversaw his rehab from knee surgery so well he missed almost the entire season.

Larry Brown — In 2003-2004, he led the Pistons to their third and his first NBA title. This spring, he took the Spurs to seven games before losing in the NBA finals. Almost immediately thereafter, Suitcase Larry was whining about how unloved he was in Detroit and how he might not be able to coach the next year and a whole lot of other things that had just one purpose — to free him to add yet another city — New York — as well as $50 million to his resume.

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