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Help! Something just isn't right about my child

Nancy Wiseman's 'Could It Be Autism?' helps parents recognize the signs and learn what steps to take for kids with developmental disorders

NBC VIDEO
Something isn't right with my child
Jan. 11: Author and child advocate Nancy Wiseman, talks with the "Today" show's Al Roker about recognizing the signs of an autistic child and how to help them thrive in their development, as written in her book, "Could It Be Autism?"

Today show

Today Show
updated 12:11 p.m. ET Feb. 22, 2006

Nancy Wiseman is a mom on a mission. Since her little girl Sarah was diagnosed with autism at 2 years of age, Wiseman has worked tirelessly to get her daughter the best possible intervention. Today, at age 7, Sarah is thriving. Now Wiseman wants to reach out to other parents who may be concerned about their own child. She started First Signs — an organization that raises awareness about autism — and she’s written a new book, “Could It Be Autism?” in which she guides parents through the signs and steps of detecting developmental delays and/or disorders. Wiseman was invited to discuss the book on “Today.” Here’s an excerpt.

You Make a Difference
You are a parent, not a doctor or a scientist.

But, when it comes to your child, you are an expert. You know that little face and whether it lights up when you walk into a room. You know your baby's babbling, burbling voice and would be the first to notice if it suddenly fell silent. You know how your toddler behaves when he sees a new toy, meets a new child, goes to a birthday party, or visits a shopping mall. You know what makes her cry and what makes her laugh. And, while your pediatrician has seen hundreds of sore throats and infected ears, you've seen a few things too. You've seen children playing in parks and squabbling at family dinners. You've seen babies playing peek-a-boo and preschoolers playing house. And you wouldn't be a parent if you had not compared your child to those children — if you had not noticed how your child resembles them and differs from them.

Of course, not every difference is a disorder. Far from it. But if your instincts are telling you something is wrong — that something about your child is quite different from other children or that something essential about your child has changed or become increasingly troubling, your instincts are probably right.

You Know When Something Is Wrong
As part of my work with First Signs, I've spent a lot of time talking with doctors and researchers about the differences between young children with developmental delays and those without them. Time and time again they tell me about one crucial difference. Children with developmental delays have parents who are persistently worried about them. So, if you are worried about how your child is developing, how he or she is learning and behaving, you should take your worry seriously. It could be a warning sign.

Broadway

Parents have been diagnosing their children from early on. They know it, they feel it. They say to me all the time, "I just know something's just not right . . . the way he does this or the way he does that . . ." And they're right, usually.
Anne Holmes, director of outreach services at Eden Family of Services, Princeton, N.J.

All parents worry about their children sometimes. All occasionally need some reassurance that the quirks they see are just that. One survey found that 70 percent of parents in pediatric waiting rooms had questions about their children's development or behavior. When something really is wrong, though, the worry does not go away. The child's differences don't go away, either. Usually they just become more apparent, more troubling.

Some parents whose children are eventually diagnosed with autism and or other developmental disorders realize that their children are different as babies. A few notice specific, clear-cut problems; many others have nagging, vague concerns that are harder to express.

From the day I brought him home from the hospital, I knew there was something going on. He couldn't feed, he couldn't suck a bottle. And, as a toddler, he couldn't give kisses. He would go to kiss me and would just bang his face into my mouth.
Kathy Bauer of Pennsylvania, mother of Andy, diagnosed with speech apraxia at age 3

She was 5 or 6 months old when I first started feeling something wasn't right. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like I was bonding to her, but she wasn't bonding to me.
Becky Wilson of Oregon, mother of Zoë, diagnosed at age 4 with developmental language disorder and "regulatory disorder with autistic behaviors."

Other parents see signs accumulate over time or appear suddenly, often between the first and second year of a child's life.

When Evan was 15 months old, I noticed he wasn't behaving like other children of his age. . . . He wasn't interacting with the world like other kids.
Susan Sutherland of Massachusetts, mother of Evan,  diagnosed with PDD-NOS around age 3.

When doctors ask the right questions, worried parents almost always speak up. And, once their child is diagnosed with a problem, even those parents who do not express their worries at first usually say that they knew "something was wrong." Often they "just burst into tears" when their fears are confirmed, one researcher says. "They will say, 'I was worried about my child, but I thought I was just being an anxious parent.' "

Studies show that parents of all educational, cultural, and economic backgrounds are able to recognize developmental warning signs. Where do parents get this amazing power of prediction? From observing their child and the children around them.

Pediatricians see a child for about fifteen minutes during a "well" visit. Parents see their children every day, all day, in all sorts of settings. They also see other children, alone and in groups, in the grocery store, at church, even in the pediatric waiting room. They see siblings, cousins, playmates, and neighbors. Everywhere they go, they compare and notice how their child is like other children and how he or she is different.

I remember when my daughter was 18 months old, you'd say, "Go close the door," and she'd go close the door. My son had no receptive language. If you said, "Go close the door," he'd just stand there.
Brenda Eaton of Pennsylvania, mother of Brendan, diagnosed with autism at age 3.

If you're around children all the time, you realize the way they can communicate without even saying a word. He didn't have that at a year or 18 months.
Ellen Weitzen of New Jersey, mother of Chris, diagnosed with autism at age 3.

One clinical professor I know used to train young pediatricians to recognize developmental disorders. Sometimes she would send her trainees to day care centers and schools so that they could see what parents see all the time — children playing, talking, and learning together. She told me about one trainee who was not convinced that a 5-year-old with a technically normal but lower than average IQ needed special help. The young doctor was sent to a day care center, where he observed typical 4- and 5-year-olds at play. That did the trick. He quickly saw that the child with the apparently okay test scores was lagging far behind in speech. The child was not okay at all.