Can successful women be nice and still be authoritative business leaders? The image of a tough-minded woman at the top is not uncommon in the workplace. Caitlin Friedman and Kimberly Yorio offer advice on being a smart chick-in-charge in their new book, “The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch).” They were invited to discuss the book on “Today.” Here’s an excerpt:

Don’t Try This At Work: Ten Ways to Alienate Your Staff
Every girlfriend in the universe has a story about the Bitch Boss from Hell. The one who told us we were untalented and would never amount to anything; the one who disappeared for three-hour lunches, but wrote us up if we cut out five minutes early; the one who took credit for our ideas and blamed us for her mistakes.

This unfortunate management style has existed ever since Joan of Arc donned her first suit of armor and led her troops into a losing battle. The most common management missteps are often surprisingly easy to identify and even easier to prevent. By taking a few simple precautions and following (or avoiding) our predecessors’ pitfalls, we can all steer clear of these behaviors, and get the job done.  In other words, you don’t need to be a bitch to wield authority and command respect.  Just the opposite, in fact.

NBC VIDEO How women can be bosses, not bossy April 20: The "Today" show's Natalie Morales talks with Kimberly Yorio and Caitlin Friedman about their book, "The Girl's Guide to Being a Boss Without Being a Bitch." Today show

Bad Boss Behavior One: Letting Your Insecurities Run the Office
You have recently been promoted to manage a group of people who were, until this happy news, your professional peers. Looking over your newly acquired staff you sense resentment, hostility and skepticism, rather than the warm friendly smiles you hoped for. You begin to doubt yourself. What do you have that they don’t have? Sheila over there is better at public speaking than you are; how can you possibly tell her what to do? Mark had more sales last quarter than anyone on the team; why would he listen to you?

After your promotion you begin barking orders to overcompensate for the anxiety in the pit of your stomach. You begin to hide in your office. You leave for phantom “very important lunches” to avoid questions from your staff.

Stop! You are letting your insecurities run you, and the office.

The tiniest flicker of self-doubt can quickly balloon into a full-blown crisis of confidence. Helen Stephens, Travel Marketing Coordinator for Bacardi, USA, suggests that “when you start finding fault with everything and everyone, look into yourself. More likely than not, you are projecting your insecurities and fears.”

If you find yourself doubting your aptitude for your new position, ask yourself if the anxiety actually stems from your lack of professional skills, or from a floundering self esteem. If it is the latter, then the best advice (and we know it’s easier to give than to follow) is to fake it until you make it. To do this you project more confidence than you really have. Stand tall, breathe deep, answer and ask questions directly, don’t be afraid to say you don’t know something and don’t second-guess decisions you have made. Again, posturing comes into play when you want to appear more comfortable in your management role than is really the case. To fake it with your boss, don’t let self-doubt creep into your tone when you are presenting ideas, sales figures or campaign ideas. Your comfort level will increase the longer you are in your position and as soon as you sail through a tricky project.

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